Jodie's crazy ride

 This is my very good friend Jodie and we're at my recent birthday party.  She's laughing because I made her wear an apron so she wouldn't get dirty doing her "craft".  Jodie doesn't wear aprons but I do.  And she doesn't do crafts.  It was my party so she wore an apron and she did the craft.  Anyway, Jodie is a nut...an amazing wonderful crazy nut...and an incredible friend.  Jodie was a professional surfer for quite a long time.  In the years that have followed, she's been a broadcaster for Fuel TV,  the X Games, and has also done some stunt doubling (the camera likes her).  But what she recently has decided to do absolutely stunned me - and honestly ticked me off - when she first called.  On Sunday, March 28th, she is going to take part in a stand up paddle race but instead of being part of a race team, she is going to be riding solo - which has never been done before by a female - to raise money for breast cancer.  She's doing this in hopes of keeping me encouraged to continue the fight.  The race is almost 40 miles long.  It begins at Catalina Island and ends at Dana Point Harbor.  It will likely take her 9 hours...non-stop on a paddle board...40 miles across the ocean.  There are sharks and other scary things in the ocean!  Ugh.  Even though I was ticked at first (it's pretty dangerous), I have gotten to a point where I am totally humbled by what she is doing.  I will be in the chase boat encouraging Jodie and passing her food but I would love to ask that you please pray for safety and endurance as she completes this crazy ride.

If you want to know more...here's a link you can follow to get her perspective 

http://paddlewithpurpose.wordpress.com

Thanks so very much.

Productivity?

March 25, 2010 ... scan day

So, apparently, I'm only going to be able to squeek out a handful of productive days this week.  Oh well.  Yesterday was productive but in an extremely (for me) unusual way.  I spent hours and hours reading the blog of "The Pioneer Woman" :/.  For some lame reason yet to be realized, I was awake virtually the entire night Tuesday making yesterday an enormous challenge.  You know what I mean...the "I'm so tired I can't move and my eyes burn unless I close them" kind of feeling.  So, I got up "early" pushed through much of the tireds and was able to get a decent amount done until I totally 100% crashed and couldn't move off the couch.  What do you do when you physically can't get up?  You pick up your computer thinking that maybe, just maybe, you can get caught up on your bank statements.  Ummm...no.  Instead, I facebook stalked and came across the blog that I read the entire afternoon, evening,  night...up until I simply could no longer pry my eyes open.  Aaaahhhh sweet, sweet sleep.  Sleep is so yummy.

Well, yesterday I didn't really believe that sitting and reading the stories of another female whom I'd never even heard of before a few days ago was something that I would have called productive.  Oh how wrong I was.

Scans...oh how I HATE them.  I literally hate them so much that when I go in to have a line put in, I am so stressed out that nurse Autumn has to talk me off the ledge.  She gets me giggling (she has the greatest way of describing commercials) and calms me down so that she can find a vein without causing me to pass out.  Today was no different.  Maybe even worse in some ways.  I slept pretty well last night but I woke up in a really, really sour mood and I kept taking it out on Reed.  He kept apologizing to me...it was my fault.  I didn't have any desire to talk about "how I was feeling" even though Reed kept asking.  I knew I would begin crying and wouldn't be able to stop.  It was far easier to be mad at Reed.  During Autumn's "talk" today, she wanted me to think of a place that made me happy.  Literally, the only place I could think of was Heaven.  Reed reminded that I like the beach too...during the off season when there are FAR fewer people around.  Oh yeah.

Well...it was my turn to go into the little room with the bed type thing so that I could have radioactive isotopes put into my body - after I was fortunate enough to drink this horrid tasting contrast gunk.  All of this on an empty stomach.  So much fun!!!  And then...after the radioactive stuff is put into you, they hand you another cup of contrast gunk, turn off the lights and close the door.  You lay there for an hour and pray that you can go to sleep to speed up the wait.  Your mind starts wondering to places unknown and you start thinking of the most bizarre things.  Many of those thoughts are related to radioactive isotopes running and jumping through your veins.  You know, no big deal kind of things.  I tried to fall asleep.  Not successful.  I tried praying.  It wasn't working.  But I had to do something to keep my mind occupied.  You're not allowed to read, listen to music, make phone calls, text...NOTHING.  You have to lay still...really still...in a pitch black room.  That's when I realized that the blog I spent hours reading actually was HUGELY productive.  I thought and thought and thought about what I had read.  It kept me entertained and kept me from going totally insane.  Gotta love productivity no matter the shape.

When will I have the results of the scans?  Maybe tomorrow.  Maybe Monday.  I just don't know and I'm very much ok with that.

Goodnight

Chemo is weird...

Tuesday, March 23...I know I don't need to give the date but it feels more journal like if I do so you're just going to have to deal with it :).  


Chemo...it's a weird thing.  BIG SHOCK!!!  But when you get a teensy tiny break from it you really, really realize how weird it truly is.  Let's just use this week as an example.  For many, many months, I've either had chemo on Monday and Friday or just Monday.  I didn't get the thrill of the I.V. yesterday because of my pending scans on Thursday.  Chemo messes up scans, often giving off false positives.  I've got enough positives on my own so the fewer the better.  For some strange reason, the daily chemo pills that I am also taking don't mess up these scans.  Huh??  Who knows.  It sort of, kind of makes sense though because the pills don't weird me out either.  They just cause all my levels to be totally stripped of all that is good.  Anyway, it's been 8 days since my last I.V. and I'm thrilled to report that the last two days have been insanely productive!!!  Oh my...if you only knew how normal this makes me feel.  I'm not a true type A but I'm pretty close.  I "need" to be productive in order to feel worthy.  God has forced me to recognize that my worth doesn't come from my productivity.  It comes from Him.  However, I am EVER so thankful when He allows me to have days like the last two because it's a bit of the old me that I so miss.


So, here's to hoping the rest of my week is obscenely productive because my "I'm way behind on this" to do list is SO LONG!!

Realities

Today is Sunday...March 21st.  This weekend has been emotionally brutal.  God is forcing me to deal with a couple of realities that are insanely painful.  Both realities produced such an immense amount of tears that my eyelids pooled to the point of flooding my cheeks and my chest was heaving with sobs.

The first reality happened on Saturday afternoon when I attended the baby shower of one of the dearest people in my life.  I was already an emotional mess - a hangover from Friday - so I should have put up my guard a wee bit more.  I didn't.  The shower was light hearted with lots of laughter.  The day was beautiful...sunny, breezy, sunny California amazing.  Together that should have been enough to draw me out of my funk but as I was sitting listening to the laughter and conversation, I found myself slipping further into a funk.  It wasn't that I didn't have a legit reason...as I was sitting and listening, I was feeling the pain that comes with cancer growth.  So no matter how amazing the surroundings were, the fact that I could feel the growth set the tone for me.  I loved watching my friend enjoy her day and as I watched her face light up with the fun surrounding her, it hit me hard that she literally has life growing in her and I literally have death growing in me.  Literally.  No pun intended.  No cute phrase used.  Literal meaning of what I am saying.  Life vs. Death.  My reality.

My second reality happened early this morning before we left for church.  I was lying in bed trying to wake up and through a series of God led thoughts I realized that I am harboring some resentment towards my two youngest children.  This freaks me out to recognize and admit because I've ALWAYS wanted to be a mom and I've ALWAYS wanted a large family but let me explain.  Child number 4 was ten months old when I found the first lump in my breast.  I was determined to nurse him for a year before I had a biopsy.  This didn't make my doctor happy but I didn't care.  It was incredibly important to me that I nurse my baby until he was a year old.  The biopsy was done...the cancer diagnosis was made...a lumpectomy was performed...and chemo treatment began.  This was 11 1/2 years ago.  My relationship with my little guy was altered from what it should have been but I didn't recognize what had happened. 

I was cancer free for five years which is the milestone all doctors look for.  My doctor was no exception exclaiming that I could now get pregnant.  That was the furthest thing from my mind so of course that's exactly what happened.  Here comes baby number 5.  A couple of years later, here comes the cancer, right back in the EXACT same spot.  And here comes this journey that I am now on.  One that has no end in sight.  What I recognized this morning is that even though I don't actually believe my boys are responsible for giving me cancer, to some degree I am blaming them.  It's really sick and it horrifies me.

To add to the emotions of the weekend, I can literally see that the chemo I am currently on is no longer working.  I have certain areas that my doctor uses to monitor how well the chemo is working.  Things were definitely looking better but over the last week, it has become incredibly obvious that this is no longer the case.  I have scans on Thursday so we'll see but so far I've had a pretty good batting average when it comes to what's going to be on my scans.


So tonight I'm in a place where I've already thought through the "if-onlys", "why didn't God..." and "maybe I heard God wrong" thoughts and I end up where I've been for 5 years now.  God gave me a promise and He will keep that promise.  The current part of this journey is incredibly hard but I know and I believe that the LORD will get me through it all.  And thankfully...so thankfully...the weekend was filled with lots and lots of laughter with friends and family.  That's the balance and that's what has kept me off the ledge.

Up/down, up/down...

For a while now I've wanted to blog about my journey. The update emails I currently do can get overwhelming because I tend to wait so long between updates that I feel a need to share everything that you've missed since the last update. But that's just me...when I tell a story, I like to give lots of detail. My hope is that if I blog, it will be more journal like and more frequent. For years, I've been a journalor so this seems like a natural next step for me. The difference obviously will be the amount of detail I'm willing to share. So...welcome to my first attempt at blogging. I'm quite certain this will be an ever changing process but likely you don't care.

Today is March 17th...St. Patrick's day and the second day after chemo. I'm not wearing green. I'm Irish so I don't have too :). I am dealing with what I commonly refer to as "chemo tired". Chemo tired lasts about 48 hours from the time the I.V. chemo is put into my body. It's the type of tired where your eyes hurt and your muscles feel like they can't breathe. They...your muscles that is...only want to function at about 1/2 of their potential. During the first 24 hours all I want to do is lie in bed. I have to remind myself that it's necessary to eat and then find something that sounds good but doesn't take long to fix. During the second 24 hours all I want to do is sit around. You have just enough muscle energy to pull off a few chores as long as you rest frequently. But you are ever so thankful that your mind is thinking clearly.

It is now March 19th...obviously I don't have this blogging thing down...or maybe I do. Maybe it really doesn't matter. Today is an emotionally rough day. I've always dealt with insecurities related to female relationships and today, those emotions are soaring sky high. I am always weakest in this area whenever I feel discouraged in other areas, especially in regards to my health. I am discouraged in general today. I would love to share why but I think it would be discouraging to you too. Maybe next time.

Anyway, today is a really lonely day and it really doesn't make sense. Other than I'm feeling sorry for myself. I have a love/hate relationship with facebook. I love it because it allows me to feel connected to and get engrossed in a world that is not my own. I hate it because I get to see what all I'm missing out on or not included in. Unfortunately for me, I spend far too much time stalking others because I have so much down time. There was a day when I would have turned this down time into an opportunity to do an easy bible study, journal more, read...something productive and encouraging that I could do while sitting and that would keep the lies at bay. But what do I do instead? I record and watch hours of old movies and facebook stalk.

I love to read...but reading has now become a chore. I NEVER use to begin a book and not finish it. I've started and not finished at least 6 books. I enjoy bible studies and have several lying around tempting me...ummmm....ain't gonna happen. Instead, I dwell on all the things I'm missing out on and wonder what I've done wrong to be excluded. This is a never ending cycle with me and I hate it. I want to just be confident in who God created me to be and not who satan is telling me I am. I have far too much time to think...to be introspective...to analyze. And when you're dealing with cancer, you're forced to think about things that you've never thought about before. This is why I watch old movies. It takes me out of my own mind and in some ways saves me from myself.

Cancer is such a demon and adds to my insecurities. I have tons of help because friends WANT to help. But, on days like today, I believe they only want to help because of a "feeling sorry for me" type of mentality. I love, appreciate, and have desperately needed the hands on help but there is another kind of help that I am loosing out on. Just normal friendship. People who can continue to be my friend without always trying to take care of me. I miss having friends in the traditional sense. I'm sure I'm more sensitive about it today because I'm in a funk and because we had a great time with old friends last night. The type of friends who, even though they've moved away and we haven't seen each other in years, you pick up right where you left off. Just being really good friends. It brought to surface the loneliness of dealing with cancer. I am pretty excited though because this is an unusually high friend weekend for us. Far more than normal. My current social life mostly includes my medical staff and friends who come by bringing dinner.

I don't say all of this in hopes of being put on everyone's social calendar. I'm just being real about my insecurities and the reality of cancer loneliness. Plus, that's not really what I'm getting at or want. I'm not even all that social but I, like most women, crave really good friends. The type of friends you have silly conversations with and laugh so hard your drink comes out of your nose. That call you for absolutely no specific reason (oh...btw...I totally stink at calling people) just to have a fun and/or deep conversation and you don't need to explain what you meant because they know your heart. Or who feel like it's ok to drop by your house "just because". I feel like our society has lost the art of just hanging for the fun of it. Everything has to have a reason behind it. So...what am I getting at? I am incredibly blessed to have a lot of friends, friends who will drop anything if I call and need them. And if I plan some type of event they will come. But I can honestly count on one hand without my thumb the number of friends I have who are still just "normal friends".

On the flip side - because there always is one - I've met more amazing people during this journey than I would have ever met otherwise. But, of course, I'm going to focus on what I feel I don't have. And like I said at the beginning-ish, it's an emotional day and I'm feeling really discouraged. Really discouraged. So, if I could just sit and cry right now, I would.

Welcome to my blog :).

It's late...I sure hope this makes sense

For years I’ve been asked if I enjoy writing because I’m “so good at it” (not my words...I promise...I’m truly not that narcissistic). I always answer yes because I really do enjoy writing. It comes naturally to me so, like most, I enjoy what comes easily. It’s incredible therapy and an excellent way to tell my story plus, I get the side benefit of the prayer support I so desperately need. Writing can also be as painful as labor and I’ve definitely had experience with both. Eventually, however, a beautiful blessing is delivered. The beauty of this blessing steals your heart more than it ever will anyone else’s...no matter how much they love you.

My faith journey has been a lot like my writing journey. For the most part, it has come naturally. And then I have those days where I deal with the pains of labor...without the benefit of an epidural. This past week I’ve desperately needed an epidural and none was to be found...until last night (Saturday, January 30th).

Here’s my latest story...

Monday, January 25, 2010 (written after the fact)

Like every other Monday for the last many, many, many weeks I had chemo. I.V. drip that is. I’m still taking daily chemo pills so, I have some form of chemo in my system 24/7. On top of this, Reed has given me a total of 10 shots in 3 weeks to boost my white blood cell count. My red cell count has been low for a while and it is really affecting my fatigue level. I was determined to boost the reds with food. I’ve eaten more red meat in the last month than in the last year. It didn’t work. Yesterday, I was in bed the ENTIRE day because of severe light headedness and weariness. I had too many late nights last week (for a VERY good cause...and I would totally do it again) and am paying for it terribly. So, when I went in for chemo, I was already super wiped out. Oh yeah, I had physical therapy (for my hip/leg) a couple of hours prior to chemo so... At PT and at chemo I was told that I looked really tired. Hmmm...shock. My nurse gave me a shot for my reds. I was so tired by the time I got home that I ate, got ready for bed and hung out in my bed hoping that I would fall asleep. No such luck. At about 10:30 (through a series of random thoughts) I realized that something really special to me was missing out of my house. I “ran” downstairs with Reed racing after me to make sure I didn’t fall over. We ran into the bathroom to find out that yep, I was right, it was gone. I was DEVASTATED. Why would someone take this out of my house. I’d only had it for about a month...it was a gift. Sentimental not expensive. And yes, we are 99.9% positive it was taken and not broken. Reed and I searched the house, questioned the boys, and the next day questioned others. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing. I was heart broken. Finally, we went back to bed. I laid there feeling horribly violated. Why? Why? I couldn’t stop crying. And I’m not talking sweet little whimpers. I’m talking LOUD uncontrollable sobs. I couldn’t calm down. The rest of my house slept and I didn’t want to wake them. So, I left the house (in my chemo pajama state) and drove to Balboa Pier. I sat in my car crying and listening to the waves crashing against the sand. It was dark and late and beautiful. God created the power in the waves and I needed to be reminded of that truth. I drove home, fell asleep and slept peacefully until about 5:30. That’s when I remembered what happened and that’s when I lost it again.


Wednesday, January 27, 2010 (written live-ish ... I love “ish”)

Today I had a follow up with my neurosurgeon, Dr. Duma. Three months ago he declared that I was NED ... No Evidence of Disease ... so I wasn’t concerned. And two Mondays ago (I think it was then...it could have been three Mondays ago) Dr. Link told me that my tumor markers had gone down. So...I really wasn’t concerned about the results. I dreaded, dreaded, dreaded going in however because I’ve had needle issues at this facility. Plus, I’m not a big fan of having my head/face in a cage to keep it still while undergoing an MRI. I want to believe that doctors can truly grasp how hellish it is to go in for follow-ups but...I just don’t know. If they did, they wouldn’t allow nurses to give you the results of the MRI and then not come into your room to confirm/deny these readings for roughly 20 minutes. How lame!! I know he was busy but for goodness sakes...you allow the nurse to “read” the MRI and then you don’t come in to talk with the patient right away? So the patient gets to sit and stew and answer “lame” texts because she’s trying to keep from going insane?! And she’s trying really hard NOT to scream at the top of her lungs. Then the doctor comes in, confirms the findings, acts like it’s not that big of a deal because he can make it all better, tells the nurse to schedule the procedure then walks out to the next patient spending all of 3 minutes with ME! AFTER HE TELLS ME THAT I HAVE THREE NEW CANCER TUMORS IN MY BRAIN!!! To my neurosurgeon friend Steve...DO NOT do this to your patients...please. I might have to scold you. Man...I am getting so flustered as I type this. So what do we do now?? Before I can even make it out of the building, I am SOBBING. Again. I am mad. I am scared. I am terribly frustrated. Reed and I head to the beach so I can process. The same spot I went to a couple of nights before only this time it’s not dark so I (we) get out of the car and sit in the sand for a while...quiet. I’m listening to my iPod (crying) and Reed’s listening to the waves. Apparently, I have to have another Gamma Knife procedure on February 8th...my youngest sister’s birthday...weird. We eventually make it home and have a nice evening with the boys. I go to bed feeling mostly ok. I fell asleep hearing the words of Pastor Brian Brodersen on the radio...”if, like Abraham, you are waiting for a promise to be fulfilled, keep waiting. God will come through.”

Thursday, January 28, 2010

I wake up late and slowly. Get up and push through the emotions to get my day going with the boys. Then the nurse calls to give me the date/time of my consultation for the “procedure”. Before I even get off the phone, I’m in tears again. I lose it and spiral to a deep, deep depression - the deepest I’ve been in up to this point - ending up in bed with just enough sense to send out an S.O.S. text to three of my friends (please don’t be offended if you were not one of those three...that’s just how it goes). Stayed in bed until late afternoon then forced myself to get up, bathe, get dressed and prepare for my sister and my nephews to stay the night.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Have to get up to go to PT. It’s a good thing but I’m still filled with the emotions of the week. Cam came home to study, Reed’s home working, and all the boys (including the nephews) are doing school. The sounds of life are all around. It’s beautiful. We’re supposed to go to Bible study tonight but it’s not going to happen with the nephews here and all of the older boys gone for the night. Plus, the size of the Bible study is FAR larger than I’m comfortable with. I like groups of around 10 max. There are about 60 peeps in this group, most of them I don’t know. I can’t deal with that right now. I need to be in safe groups. So, we gladly stay home for the night. Then I decide last minute to go to a friend’s house to watch a movie. Maybe that will help me get through the emotions. Or not. I’m tired. I can’t fall asleep for hours.

Saturday, January 30, 2010

Slept in...until 1:00. Maybe if I just sleep long enough the emotions will be under control. Get up...the nephews are a wonderful distraction for me and the boys. They’re playing and working hard, Reed’s doing yard work and I’m doing laundry. We decide to go to tonight’s service at church...it’s going to work better with our weekend schedule. Someone sitting behind me gently taps my shoulder. She says, quite hesitantly, “I’ve been praying for you. I was hoping to pray for you last night but I didn’t see you.” Last night was the Bible study we didn’t go to. She hopes that there is an opportunity after service to pray for me. I’m curious...how does she know me? I’ve never seen her before. After service I ask for clarification. Apparently, she saw me at the Bible study a week ago and felt strongly that God was telling her to pray for me. That I was ill but she didn’t know the details. He had a specific message she was to pass along to me. After I quizzed her long enough to be certain she was passing on a legit message, I listened intently and this is what she told me. “God wants you to know how much He loves you, yes we know that God loves us but He specifically wants you to know how much. He wants me to pray for you to have strength. For you to hold onto the promises that He has given you. And for you to NOT listen to the lies of Satan.” What she didn’t know was that just moments before, I had been sitting on the ground, in a corner near where I was going to take communion, earnestly asking God if I needed to accept the reality that I might die from this cancer. I’ve never believed that before...I’ve never allowed myself to believe that...but last night...after this disgusting week...I felt that maybe, just maybe, I’d been wrong in what I’ve heard for the last FIVE years. So, to come back to my seat and have someone I’ve NEVER seen before (yes, we’d been at the same Bible study but she didn’t see me the first week and it was a LARGE group) who “just happened” to be sitting RIGHT behind me at a service she nearly never goes to and who was in absolute shock that I was sitting right in front of her after she had been praying for me for a week who knew she was supposed to pass along a message to me and was bummed that I wasn’t at the study Friday night and the message “just happened” to be an ABSOLUTE in my face confirmation that what I’ve been hearing for FIVE years is absolutely the truth??!! What?? Are you kidding me?? God whispered it to me Wednesday night via Brian Brodersen but THIS was in my face. And I desperately needed it. It was my epidural numbing the pain of the week.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

It’s late and I really NEED to finish this so that I can fill out lame medical paperwork. I have my gamma knife consultation in the morning, then PT and then chemo. It’s going to be a crazy day and the only part of it I’m looking forward to is the PT. I feel normal there...and I see positive progress. Every other medical office I walk into seems to be full of bad news. At least for now. I seem to be in a near constant state of light headedness and fatigue. But at least now I can again fall asleep with the peace that all the promises I’ve been hearing are indeed true and that eventually all this disease will be out of my body. Am I looking forward to what these next months hold for me. NO, NO, NO!! I despise the waiting. I HATE CANCER!!! My ears ache and constantly have a rush/rush noise with the aching...weird, my nose has big sores in it, my digestive system can’t figure out whether it supposed to push the acids up or down or if maybe they should just stay where they are and cause massive stomach aches and indigestion, my body wants to sleep all day and my brain wants to work and enjoy life...and...and..and...I hate needles. Needles, needles, needles...EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!! I’m pretty near my wits end but apparently I still have to wait. It’s been five entire years since I first received God’s promise of healing. Five. A lot of life happens in five years. I’ve been on chemo for 1 1/2 years with no end in sight. I will once again have to have screws put into my skull just so I can have massive gamma rays shot into my brain. But, I still have my hair.

On a totally different note...Reed’s little clothing line is going really, really well for it’s age. The test order went well so a larger order was placed and will be tested in more stores. No money coming in yet but the doors opening up are shocking. Waiting on that too.

Really...in 30 minutes it’s February? How?

Me...(Angela)

P.S. Happy Birthday Lisa :)

November 30, 2009

Monday, November 30, 2009

Radiation is officially over. Man oh man is it ever so much easier than chemo!!!! So what’s next? On Wednesday, November 18th, we met with Dr. Link to see what his next move would be. This is what he said...” I have one more thing I can try before I let nature take its course.” That one more thing is an oral chemo that is evidently a “miracle” chemo for a very specific form of leukemia and not a chemo for breast cancer. No, I don’t have leukemia but for some reason “my” cancer shows strong evidence of responding to this drug. However, like all the other regimens I’ve been on, this one also needs to be cocktailed. Oh, and this cocktail has never been used on an actual breast cancer patient before. It’s only been tested in a tube and it’s in this test tube that things looked promising for breast cancer patients like me. Do you feel like I’m just telling you the same story over and over again? I do.

So, this is what the doc wants me to do. I will take the oral chemo (Gleevec) daily and then once a week I will have the other chemo (Navalbine) administered via I.V. I will also be receiving a once a month I.V. dosage of Zometa that is supposed to help with bone healing. The first dosage of the Zometa literally put me to sleep for about 36 hours. It was weird. One of the side effects was fatigue...guess so. As it stands right now, I am scheduled to begin both treatments next Monday, a week from today. This new regimen will continue until it stops :)! Very likely it will continue for 18 weeks :/. That’s at least the best guessing we can do right now. It’s all going to depend on my body.

Crazy as it may seem, when the doctor made the “let nature take its course” comment, I was oddly relieved. I felt like saying, let’s get on with this and get it over with. I’m not being a pessimist but I feel like this new regimen will work for a bit and then my body will once again build up a resistance to the drugs making it ineffective. And I’ll be left to once again detox and try to get my body back to some sort of normal. This seems to be my new normal. At least I have hair.

I think that’s all I have to share for now. Until next time...Angela


P.S. Thanksgiving was AMAZING!!!