March 25, 2011
As I write this update angry butterflies are fighting each other in my stomach. I hate that I have to share this news but it is what it is. My news isn’t uplifting like it has been. More than that though it’s embarrassing because I have been so vulnerable and today, I am forcing myself to continue in that vain.
March 10 ... Follow-up CT/PET scans to see if the Temodar was still doing it’s magic.
March 15 ... Began physical therapy (again) on my hip. Found out that, yes, for sure my left leg is now 2 cm shorter than my right. A heel lift was ordered.
March 16 ... Went to see Dr. Link for the scan results. The cancer is back in my liver and some other key spots. Also, a small lump on the outside of my left armpit had grown. Dr. Link wanted it removed immediately for more testing from Charis (a special lab in AZ). I finished with Dr. Link at 10:30. At 11:30, I was lying on the surgeon’s table.
Deep sadness, betrayal, wishing I could hate God, anger, shock, fear, frustration ... these are just a few of my emotions. Tears were waiting in my eyes to be unleashed but instead I retreated.
Came home to find a letter from my “new” insurance company and found out that the last dosage of Temodar that had been approved had now been declined. After it was sent to me and I took the dosage. Really? Because I need to deal with this? New fight.
March 20 - 29 ... Reed is traveling around the world. My parents came in and have been amazing.
March 24 ... God spoke ... “God is not a man, so he does not lie. He is not human, so he does not change his mind. Has he ever spoken and failed to act? Has he ever promised and not carried it through?” Numbers 23:19 This caused my tears to be released ... and comforted my soul.
March 25 ... Had my stitches in my armpit removed but not yet any complete biopsy results.
March 31 ... Brain MRI