Tomorrow it begins. Radiation that is. On my brain. Unless God intervenes. I'm trying to be positive about this but my con list is much longer than the pro list.
- 30% chance it will get all the cancer out.
- Might get to keep the creepy mask.
- Get to make new "friends".
- Have to cut way back on green tea.
- Have kept all my hair during chemo but apparently will lose it from radiation.
- Have to go in for treatment for 15 days in a row (minus weekends).
- Could have permanent issues with short term memory and concentration.
- 70% chance it won't get rid of all the cancer meaning I'll likely have to have more Gamma Knife in the future.
- Have to wear the creepy mask 15 more times.
Shortly after the mask was put on, I was asked how I was doing. I wasn't doing well and somehow (literally only God knows) I was able to say, "Can you take the mask off for just a little bit." I was stunned that I was able to speak...I honestly still don't know how. The mask is SO tight it pushes my jaw completely closed. Anyway, within seconds, the mask was off. I lost composure for a little bit and began to cry. It felt good to release that sadness and fear and it gave me the strength I neede to allow the mask to be put back on so the planning could continue.
I'm not looking forward to tomorrow...or the other 14 appointments. But, I'm not feeling God closing any doors so I will continue to walk forward until told otherwise.
Oh...and just so you know...I will also be having radiation on the original tumor sight in hopes of getting that area under control.