This morning, when I got out of bed, I noticed that a white envelope had been slipped under my bedroom door. On the front was written To: Angela Robinson. Inside were three pieces of copy paper with a handwritten poem from Ben to me. This is what he wrote...
God & His Daughter
I set my head on the pillow every night.
Full with promises and fear.
"What if I heard wrong, it wasn't right,
And it was only what I wanted to hear?"
So from these thoughts I try to abstain,
By thinking of the promises instead
But then comes in my chest a searing pain,
And again the thoughts fill my head.
WILL I EVER SLEEP!? WILL I GET SOME REST!?
On this question I continue to ponder,
While verbally saying; "Devil you pest,
GO TO HELL you are welcome here no longer.
Thirty or so minutes and asleep I have fallen,
Although not too sound.
Come the next morning and the pain is callin'.
So I wake up, and to the floor my feet pound,
"Why am I not healed? Will I ever be free?"
These questions I throw GOD'S way.
Once again all of this doubt follows me,
cause this is the way I feel everyday."
"But this is GOD my daughter,
You will be totally healed up.
No need to look any farther,
For soon you will have a filled cup.
It will not only be in this life,
But in the next it will be as well.
I will take away from here your strife,
And give a story of me for you to tell.
I love you my daughter!
Live like you are blessed."
GOD I'm down the road a bit farther
And I'm healed! With no more pain in my chest!
"After He called them by name, He set them on a solid basis with Himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what He had begun."
Romans 8:29 Msg.
"Dear Angela, if He could do this then it means He will do this with you finishing gloriously what He started.
He's called you by name already. He is building the foundation with you making you stronger then when you started. Walking along side you while you are learning the things in your life that only the lucky few are able to obtain. The day is coming when you graduate, and not any celebration, but you will be gloriously completing what he had begun. The day is coming soon. Your cross is soon to be lifted. And you will be alive and whole."
God spoke to Ben in a very profound way during the wee hours of this morning blessing and encouraging me in an incredibly intimate way. The timing made the poem/scripture/personal message even sweeter.
I attended a funeral today for a relative I care deeply about and whose daughter (my cousin) is more like a sister/bff to me. Bonnie died from metastasized breast cancer. God used Ben to remind me that my story and Bonnie's have some similarities but in the end, our stories are as different as our DNA. Because of the words the LORD gave to Ben, I felt the freedom to feel and express my emotions honestly - to be what they needed to be for me and to honor Bonnie.
Love you Tami.