Thursday, March 25, 2010


March 25, 2010 ... scan day

So, apparently, I'm only going to be able to squeek out a handful of productive days this week.  Oh well.  Yesterday was productive but in an extremely (for me) unusual way.  I spent hours and hours reading the blog of "The Pioneer Woman" :/.  For some lame reason yet to be realized, I was awake virtually the entire night Tuesday making yesterday an enormous challenge.  You know what I mean...the "I'm so tired I can't move and my eyes burn unless I close them" kind of feeling.  So, I got up "early" pushed through much of the tireds and was able to get a decent amount done until I totally 100% crashed and couldn't move off the couch.  What do you do when you physically can't get up?  You pick up your computer thinking that maybe, just maybe, you can get caught up on your bank statements.  Instead, I facebook stalked and came across the blog that I read the entire afternoon, evening,  night...up until I simply could no longer pry my eyes open.  Aaaahhhh sweet, sweet sleep.  Sleep is so yummy.

Well, yesterday I didn't really believe that sitting and reading the stories of another female whom I'd never even heard of before a few days ago was something that I would have called productive.  Oh how wrong I was.

Scans...oh how I HATE them.  I literally hate them so much that when I go in to have a line put in, I am so stressed out that nurse Autumn has to talk me off the ledge.  She gets me giggling (she has the greatest way of describing commercials) and calms me down so that she can find a vein without causing me to pass out.  Today was no different.  Maybe even worse in some ways.  I slept pretty well last night but I woke up in a really, really sour mood and I kept taking it out on Reed.  He kept apologizing to was my fault.  I didn't have any desire to talk about "how I was feeling" even though Reed kept asking.  I knew I would begin crying and wouldn't be able to stop.  It was far easier to be mad at Reed.  During Autumn's "talk" today, she wanted me to think of a place that made me happy.  Literally, the only place I could think of was Heaven.  Reed reminded that I like the beach too...during the off season when there are FAR fewer people around.  Oh yeah. was my turn to go into the little room with the bed type thing so that I could have radioactive isotopes put into my body - after I was fortunate enough to drink this horrid tasting contrast gunk.  All of this on an empty stomach.  So much fun!!!  And then...after the radioactive stuff is put into you, they hand you another cup of contrast gunk, turn off the lights and close the door.  You lay there for an hour and pray that you can go to sleep to speed up the wait.  Your mind starts wondering to places unknown and you start thinking of the most bizarre things.  Many of those thoughts are related to radioactive isotopes running and jumping through your veins.  You know, no big deal kind of things.  I tried to fall asleep.  Not successful.  I tried praying.  It wasn't working.  But I had to do something to keep my mind occupied.  You're not allowed to read, listen to music, make phone calls, text...NOTHING.  You have to lay still...really a pitch black room.  That's when I realized that the blog I spent hours reading actually was HUGELY productive.  I thought and thought and thought about what I had read.  It kept me entertained and kept me from going totally insane.  Gotta love productivity no matter the shape.

When will I have the results of the scans?  Maybe tomorrow.  Maybe Monday.  I just don't know and I'm very much ok with that.


1 comment:

  1. I love you. I was awake with you... praying. Waiting with you---.